Tuesday, July 24, 2018

It's been a while...

A lot has happened in the past three years that I've taken a little break from this place. My husband started his own business, had a TON of equipment stollen and basically had to start over, we moved two times, and had a baby. That's it in a nutshell! Kinda crazy stuff. I tried to find the motivation for posting and it just wasn't happening. We were in a tough place and honestly, leaning into my family and close friends and spending less time on here just seemed to be way more refreshing!

On the flip side, I've missed the connections with people in similar seasons of life. I've gotten to know some really fabulous people through my blog and instagram and a part of me is a little sad that I've lost touch. I think having a husband who started a business from nothing really had me fascinated and wanting to support other people doing the same because MAN... it's really hard! It's hard to raise a family of 6 on a shaky start up income! It's been humbling and faith building.

I'm still trying to decide what direction I want to go in with this space. I want to be genuine. I want to make real connections with people and have a place where women can support each other! There's so much jealousy and competition I've run into and heard about in recently and I just don't believe thats all there is. I believe theres more women out there who are truly desiring to build genuine connections and support each other.

After having my unexpected 4th baby, I felt the most lost. I know it sounds crazy, but all I kept thinking in my head was, "I can't do this....I'm not going to make it." I felt alone. All my other friends were done with kids or hadn't even started and here I was stuck in this weird place in a season on my own.  I struggled with depression and isolated myself to an extent. I wanted to be ok, but I totally wasn't. A part of me was ashamed to admit it. I felt ridiculous saying out loud how upset I was knowing that there are so many women out there who struggle so hard to have children and would kill to be in my shoes. How could I complain??

Anyways, my little love is 1 year old now and I feel like I've slowly been able to find my new normal.   For me, the best part was meeting her and having her in my arms. I knew I'd love her, but I think I was surprised by how much I really connected with her after all I went through emotionally before having her in my arms.  Now that I'm a mom of 4, and still teaching dance and barre, I'm in a place of trying to figure out where I want to invest my time. Do I keep this little blog? If so what do I do with it? What do people really care to hear/see anyways? If you're anything like me, it's the need for more real life stuff. If you want to give feedback I'd of course love that! If not, no biggie. Stay tuned!